i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
