I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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