when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
