btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
