so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
