i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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