I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
