I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
