So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
