you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
