I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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