first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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