If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
