i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I understand Curling. That high.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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