I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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