I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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