I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she told me i tasted like america
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
