just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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