Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
