This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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