there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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