I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
