hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
