my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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