I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
