Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
