I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
