I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The uberlube is also flammable
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
