we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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