I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
