after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
