dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
