dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
