Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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