i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
