remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
