it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
