Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
