Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
