I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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