The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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