people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
