I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When are your genitals available?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
