please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
