OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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