I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
