good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
