I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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