I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
