I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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