her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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