Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
