When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
