I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
