she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
