i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
